Very few know how difficult the path to our second child has been. We were shocked when we found out we were pregnant again in March of 2020. We had bittersweet emotions. It seemed like yesterday that we were burying our Wrenley. It’s hard to to put into words the excitement, joy, terror, and uncertainty of those moments. Apart from the the Spirit of God, these seasons would break us. These seasons would cause us to totally fall away. But His preserving work has held us up until now. Glory to the Lord Jesus.
In April, just weeks after finding out we were pregnant, the traumatic experiences continued. I was in Tahoka, Texas, at a pastor’s meeting when my phone rang. Tiffani called me, and all she said was, “I’m bleeding.” I said almost nothing to everyone, and got up and ran to my truck. The drive home was excruciating. I cried out to the Lord over and over again. Literally screaming, I begged the Lord,
“Please not again!”
When I got to the house, Tiffani’s mother was there. Tiffani was in the bathroom, and when I saw the amount of blood, my heart sank. We all assumed the worst, and rushed to the hospital.
Tiffani and I rode together to the hospital. It was quiet for most of the ride. We finally began to encourage one another. We talked about the sovereignty of God in all things. We talked about the fact that all things were working together for our good. And we reminded each other that we have already been through the worst possible scenario with Wrenley, and yet we are still trusting and believing in Christ. We began to discuss how we would tell the church that we had lost another baby, and how they would respond. Conversations such as these are as difficult as you could imagine.
We got to the hospital in the middle of the worst part of COVID. Masks everywhere, sick people everywhere, shock and panic on the face of every nurse and doctor. It was a strange time, that we will never forget. These were scenes seemingly, out of a movie, and our story was unfolding like an old tragedy. But when you believe in a sovereign God, you know, there are no tragedies.
We finally got into a room, and the doctor came in. Tiffani explained everything that had transpired up to this point. The doctor decided that we would do a sonogram. Sonograms for Tiffani and I are very traumatic. It is always a reminder of our Wrenley, and that moment that the doctor looked at us and said,
“I’m sorry, there’s no heartbeat. We don’t know why these things happen.”
This time, the doctor put the sonogram to Tiffani’s belly, and we sat in silence. As he rolled the sonogram around her belly, we heard nothing. After a few moments, we began to hear the,
“Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump.”
The doctor looked at us and smiled and said, “There’s the heartbeat.”
The joy and the tears are something I will never forget. All we needed at this point was someone to say, “Oh you, of little faith.”
Now, where we stand today, we are one day away from knowing the date Tiffani will be induced. We are one day away from being able to see the date we will meet our child. God has been faithful, good, and we know that we can trust Him. We can trust him in the highest of highs, and the lowest of lows. We will sing on the mountaintops, and in the valleys. We are simply trusting Jesus, regardless of outcomes.
Anytime someone asks if we have any prior children, I say, “We have one in heaven, and one on the way.” Which is true. Babies who die in the womb go to heaven. This is a theological reality. This understanding comes from Romans 1:20,
“For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse.”
Babies who never come into the world are without a doubt a life. They experience the full-range of human emotions, and they have a heartbeat. Yet, one standard by which God holds humans to in this created world is the creation itself. Unbelievers perceive his eternal power and divine nature in the things that have been made, but they exchange the truth about God for a lie, and worship the creature rather than the Creator. Babies who pass away in the womb never have the opportunity to perceive the creation, therefore the blood of Christ covers them, and many great theologians agree, they are elect. Praise the Lord for the blood of Jesus Christ that purchased these unborn babies.
So, we have one in heaven, and her little sister on the way. It has been a difficult and dark road. But when you trust Christ, there isn’t light at the end of the tunnel, there is light in the tunnel.
We are praying that this child has the opportunity to see this creation. Our prayer as of late has been this,
“Lord, we thank you for the little life of Wrenley, let it bring glory to your name. Thank you for the time we’ve already had with Elsie. It is more than we deserve. Our request is simple Lord, let this child bury us one day. In Jesus name,