“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.” -Psalm 127:3
From a still birth at 39 weeks with our beloved Wrenley, to a “threatened miscarriage”, and brutal uncertainty with our beloved Elsie, this has been a tremendously taxing year. While we’re at it, why don’t we throw COVID, and a circus of an election in the mix. Now, we finally stand on the doorstep of our second child, and we’re hoping 2020 turns into the greatest year of our lives.
This will be the final weekend before we go in to be induced on November 10th, and we have a plethora of emotion. The Word that we’ve stored up in our hearts, at times fights against the fallenness of our flesh. Jesus says,
“Therefore, do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”
Our flesh wages war outside the storehouse of our minds. What about COVID? Will I be able to be in the room? Will everything be all right? Imaginary what-if scenarios hold pitch-forks, and are very outspoken, but we fight the good fight. Thankfully, the Lord is gracious to us, and we refuse to lay down our swords. We will persevere in faith regardless of outcomes, and the Lord will preserve the faith He has gifted us, regardless of our effectiveness in following Him.
We have learned much about ourselves, and about God in this time.
We have a greater understanding now that we don’t control the outcome of situations. Ultimately God does. We don’t have the freedom within us to create these perfect, ideal, situations and outcomes. We are fallen, the world around us is fallen, and sheer human determination is not the deciding factor in these scenarios. Man is not sovereign, God is. We reject Pelagianism. We will obey the Lord, we will pray like it all depends upon us, all the while understanding that God is in control in the lives of our children.
Our trust in God is greater now than ever, which is a supernatural miracle considering we buried our first child. We trust His plan, and we trust His hand.
Our trust in God’s sovereignty has increased tremendously, and it helps us lay our head on the pillow at night. When you come to the conclusion that you are completely justified by faith, God is working all things together for your good, and there is no randomness in this world, the sun begins to shine brighter. When you conclude that every detail of every day was written before the foundation of the world, and outcomes don’t ultimately depend on you, your foot begins to lessen off of your own neck, and your eyes seem to turn to Christ. What a glorious reality God’s sovereignty, even in our suffering, is.
We have seen the providential hand of God the moment we lost our first child. In the room, just prior to giving birth to Wrenley, a group called ‘Hope Mommies’ gave us a shoe-box. As Tiffani opened the box, she pulled out a Bible. This Bible was identical to Tiffani’s, only smaller. The same color, the same stitchings, the same translation, only smaller. In that moment it was clear that God’s providence had brought that Bible before us. He wasn’t angry. He wasn’t punishing us. He was giving us a gift. The gift of suffering, to steward well, in front of our congregation, community, and whoever God decided to show. When you worship Christ, in the midst of tragedy, it makes God look glorious. We are thankful for the pain, that glorifies the Lord.
Do we have anxieties? Absolutely. Do we fight against them? Absolutely. Our greatest hope for Elsie Hope is the God of all hope.
We look forward to seeing you soon Elsie Hope Wright!